Narrator: A Japanese Sohei, the 16th century warrior monk who combined both asceticism and military prowess in search of spiritual enlightenment (Cut to a scene of a Sohei stabbing a Samurai with a Tachi)
A Knight of Saint John, the Crusader knights who not only fought the Saracens and Ottomans, but were also proficient doctors as well (Show a clip of a Knight of Saint John immolating a Janissary with a Trump)
WHO....IS...DEADLIEST?
(Deadliest Warrior intro theme)
Max: Today's match up pits two of the most famous warrior monks of all time: the Japanese Sohei and the Knights of Saint John. Not only is this a battle of East vs West, but since both of these warriors were active and at their most powerful during the 16th century, when gunpowder was being used in all kinds of weapons. We have blades, armor, and gunpowder, so this battle's gonna kick major ass!
Sohei Stats: Height: 5 foot 3 inches
Weight: 156 lbs
Armor: Monk Robes, Cuirass, Tassets, Cap
Reign: 794-1603 AD
Loyalty: Various Daimyo, Monasteries
Knight of Saint John Stats: Height: 5 foot 6 inches
Weight: 177 lbs
Armor: Morion, Cuirass, Tassets, Leather
Reign: 1099-1798 AD
Loyalty: The Grand Master, Papal States
Sohei Weapons: Long Range: Yumi: The Japanese Yumi was a longbow with an asymmetrical grip that was made from bamboo, horn, and wood.
Mid Range: Naginata: The Naginata was a Japanese weapon that resembled and had the same function as a European Glaive.
Short Range: Tachi: The Tachi was a forerunner to the Katana, and was more curved than its more famous predecessor.
Special Weapons: Arquebus: The Arquebus was a type of early firearm that made its way to Japan via Portuguese and Dutch merchants.
Knight of Saint John Weapons: Long Range: Matchlock: The Matchlock was another type of early firearm used in Europe during the 16th century.
Mid Range: Trump: The Trump was a unique weapon that was pretty much a giant torch filled with pitch, turpentine, gunpowder, and oil to act as a primitive napalm dispenser.
Short Range: Rapier: The Rapier was a a kind of sword that was thin, light, and well suited for thrusting.
Special Weapons: Grenade: The Grenade of the 16th century was an iron ball filled with gunpowder that was lit, thrown, and the explosion would send out the iron shell as shrapnel.
Narrator: Testing out the weapons of the famed Sohei are Kojii Masamune, an expert on Sohei warfare, and Phillip Green, a renowned historian of Feudal Japan.
Kojii: The Sohei were a sect of warrior monks, who, like the Ikko-Ikki, used both meditation and battle to reach enlightenment.
Narrator: During the time period known as Feudal Japan, the Japanese countryside was littered with dozens of monasteries that taught their disciples how to defend themselves from the wandering bandits that attacked what they perceived to be weak and defenseless places. Through their training, they not only fought off all bandits, but they became so powerful that certain warlords like Oda Nobunaga actually hired them to fight alongside them in their battles to unify Japan.
Phillip: Against such a cunning and disciplined foe, the Knight of Saint John will crumble
Narrator: The Sohei Team is assured of their victory, but they have vicious competition from their opponents on Team Knight of Saint John. Fighting for the Knights is Antonio Colombo, a period sword and gun expert, as well as Roger James, a Maltese-born historian specializing on the Knights of Saint John.
Roger: The Knights of Saint John were an order of warrior monks who, unlike the other Crusader orders, continued to fight the Muslims in the Mediterranean Basin after the fall of Jerusalem and Acre.
Narrator: After the Fall of Acre in 1291, the Knights of Saint John moved to Rhodes, where they continued to fight the Muslims and heal the sick until the Ottomans conquered the island and they were forced to go to Malta. The greatest challenge to the Knights came in 1565, when the Ottomans decided to invade Malta, which had a garrison of no more than 700 Knights. Although the Order was almost extinguished, they managed to beat back the Ottomans and ensure the survival of their knighthood.
Antonio: The Knights of Saint John will destroy the Sohei, just like they destroyed everyone else they fought.
Weapons Tests:
Long Range Weapons:
Sohei: Yumi
Knight of Saint John: Matchlock
The accuracy of the Yumi and quicker rate of fire gives it the Edge over the Matchlock.
Mid Range Weapons:
Sohei: Naginata
Knight of Saint John: Trump
The failure of the Naginata to pierce the Knight of Saint John's armor, as well as the devastating damage done to the dummy by the Trump gives the Knight of Saint John the Edge.
Short Range Weapons:
Sohei: Tachi
Knight of Saint John: Rapier
The result is Even, because both weapons did the same amount of damage and the hosts were unable to reach a decision.
Special Weapons:
Sohei: Arquebus
Knight of Saint John: Grenade
The Edge goes to the Grenade because the shrapnel tore through the Sohei's armor easily, while the Arquebus' bullet bounced off of the Knight of Saint John's cuirass.
Geoff: Hey Max, you ready to see how this battle will turn out?
Max: You bet I am. Time to see which of these warrior monks is deadliest: Sohei or Knight of Saint John
Narrator: Because these warrior monks fought as a unified army, this will be a squad on squad battle between three Sohei monks and three Knights of Saint John.
Simulation:
The wind blew gently as the morning sunshine gleamed off of the cuirasses of three Knights of Saint John who were wielding various weapons and trudging through the snow covered meadow. Suddenly they stopped walking, their breath catching in the air when they saw the three Sohei walk up to their position and stare at them. None of the six warrior monks moved a muscle until one of the Sohei knocked an arrow onto his Yumi, pulled back the bowstring, and fired. The arrow deflected off of the Knight's cuirass as the Knight aimed his Matchlock and pulled the trigger as a cloud of smoke enveloped the combatants.
When the smoke cleared, one of the Sohei lay dead in the snow, his bleeding throat turning the snow a sickly shade of red. Upon seeing their dead comrade, the other two Sohei fled into the woods, all the while being hotly pursued by the Knights of Saint John. As one of the Knights chased a Sohei up a wooded hill, the Sohei aimed his Arquebus and shot the Knight in the chest, knocking the Knight to the ground. Before the Knight could get up, however, the Sohei unsheathed his Tachi and decapitated his adversary.
Running from where he killed the Knight, the Sohei was surprised to find that yet another Knight stood ready to kill him. Wielding a Naginata, the Sohei stabbed at the Knight's chest, but the blade of his weapon bounced off the Knight's Cuirass. Undeterred, the Knight unsheathed his Rapier and thrust it deep into the Sohei's side. The dead monk collapsed into the snow as the Knight turned around and fell into the snow as well, an arrow buried into his forehead.
Meanwhile, the final Knight of Saint John had spied the final Sohei, and he lobbed a Grenade at him. The loud explosion and the blinding flash of light knocked the Sohei flat on his back, and when he got up he saw that pieces of shrapnel had sliced him up and some pieces even buried into his flesh. Wincing with pain, the Sohei pulled out the shrapnel and turned to face the final Knight, who had prepared his Trump and was moving closer to the Sohei. Without another thought, the Sohei gripped his Tachi tightly in his fist and lunged at the Knight, but to no avail.
The Trump's napalm quickly began to incinerate the Sohei's robes, and the more the monk flailed around, the hotter and hotter the flames became. Eventually, the Sohei's charred corpse fell into the snow as the Knight of Saint John withdrew his Rapier and pointed it skyward, looking upwards as he did so.
Winner: Knight of Saint John
Max: When i ran this simulation, i saw that the Knights of Saint John won the match with 656 kills, while the Sohei only got 344 kills. The Knights of Saint John's advantage lay not only in the Trump, but in the Grenade and Rapier. That said, the Yumi did achieve far more kills than the Matchlock did. I personally think that this was a good all around match.
Geoff: I agree with you Max. I will admit that i thought that the Sohei's discipline and skill would help them win, but after seeing the Trump in action, i can totally understand why the Knight's of Saint John won the match.
Phillip: This is malarky. The Sohei were far more sophisticated and cunning warriors than the Knights of Saint John and would have run circles around those clumsy oafs!
Antonio: Well what were you expecting? The Knights of Saint John proved that even though they had less discipline, they could still whup your sorry asses!
(Show a scene of the Knights of Saint John standing triumphantly over Fort St. Elmo)
Friday, October 12, 2012
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Egyptian Mameluke vs Cheyenne Dog Soldier
Narrator: A Mameluke, the Egyptian slave-soldier who was considered the True Defender of Islam (Cut to a scene of a Mameluke killing an Ottoman with a shamshir)
A Dog Soldier, the proud and fierce Cheyenne solider who ravaged the 19th century Great Plains (Show a clip of a Dog Soldier emptying a Union Army soldier's brain with a war club)
Who...is...DEADLIEST?
Geoff: In the Fight Club today we are pitting two of the most famous cavalry soldiers ever known in the history of warfare, the Dog Soldier and the Mameluke. Today's match up is especially great for me because we're bringing in blades, black powder weapons, and two very different types of armor. It's gonna be rad!
Mameluke
Dog Soldier Stats: Height: 5 foot 2 inches
Mameluke Weapons: Long Range: Pistols: The Mameluke Pistols were highly decorated, and could fire a single shot with enough power to rip through armor
Dog Soldier Weapons: Long Range: Bow and Arrow: The Dog Soldier's Bow was a D-shaped piece of wood with a sinew bowstring and enough power to send an arrow through a man's limbs
Narrator:
Hosni: The Mameluke was the best soldier ever seen in the medieval to modern Arabic world! Using the ideal of Jihad with the best of training left these warriors highly trained and more disciplined than their foes.
Narrator: During their thousand year long reign, the Mamelukes evolved from mere slave soldiers into the rulers of places such as India, Egypt, and parts of Syria. They claimed to be the True Defenders of Islam, for they fought off not just other Muslims but Mongols and Crusaders as well, leaving them the top fighters in all Islam.
Burhan: Metal against wood? Steel against leather? The Mameluke is gonna demolish the Dog Soldier!
Narrator: Team Mameluke believes that the religious fervor and greater technology will deliver victory into their hands, but they have fierce opposition from Team Dog Soldier. Fighting for the Dog Soldiers is Colin Greenbear,a Cheyenne cavalry specialist, and Kevin Stagheart, an archery master.
Colin: The Dog Solider society was a Cheyenne group of warriors who were very warlike and opposed the rulings of peace-seeking chiefs like Black Kettle.
Narrator: Founded in the 1830's, the Dog Soldiers were responsible for most of the casualties inflicted upon the US Army during the Indian Wars. Their love of battle was so great that when the Indian Wars were officially ended, the Dog Soldiers turned to banditry as so to escape the US Army.
Kevin: The Mamelukes will be destroyed!
Long Range Weapons
Mameluke: Pistols
Dog Soldier: Bow and Arrow
The high accuracy and lethal killing power of the Bow and Arrow gives the Dog Soldier the Edge here
Mameluke: Musket
Dog Soldier: War Lance
The Musket delivers the Edge to the Mameluke because of its greater range and damage than the War Lance
Mameluke: Shamshir
Dog Soldier: War Club
The Shamshir's longer reach, faster delivery of wounds, and ability to puncture the Dog Soldier's armor gives it the Edge in this matchup.
Special Weapons
Mameluke: Mace
Dog Soldier: Tomahawk
The result is an Even match up because the hosts couldn't decide which weapon was deadlier
Geoff: Max, Doc, you ready to find out who's the Deadliest Warrior?
Max: Indeed. I've got all the numbers i can handle, and I'm ready to see some blood!
Doctor Dorian: Fire it up!
The sun beat down on the rocky bluff as a Mameluke sat on his horse, his eyes narrowed in the bright sunlight and his hand resting on the grip of one of his many Pistols. At the same time a Dog Soldier, gripping his War Lance tightly in his hand, crested the hill and saw the Mameluke in front of him. Exhaling grimly, the Dog Soldier planted his War Lance into the ground, loaded an arrow onto his Bow, and fired at the Mameluke. The arrow bounced harmlessly off of the Mameluke's helmet, while the annoyed slave soldier cocked a Pistol and fired it at the Dog Soldier.
A scarlet mist splashed from the Dog Soldier's clavicle as the Mameluke pulled out another Pistol and fired again. This time, the shot missed the Dog Soldier as he gripped his War Lance and charged at the Mameluke. Firing one last time, the Mameluke's Pistol grazed the Dog Soldier's hip before the War Lance plunged into the Mameluke's thigh. Howling in agony, the Mameluke gripped his Pistol and clubbed the Dog Soldier over the head, drawing blood and causing the Dog Soldier to lighten his grip on the War Lance.
The Mameluke yanked the War Lance out of his thigh and tossed it aside before punching the Dog Soldier in the face. Regaining his stability, the Dog Soldier began to gallop away from the Mameluke, who loaded up his Musket, aimed, and pulled the trigger. A blinding flash of explosive powder and a deafening roar filled the air as the bullet ripped through the Dog Soldier's arm, making him drop his loaded Bow and Arrow. The Mameluke then egged his horse to chase after the fleeing Dog Soldier, who wheeled around, drew out his Tomahawk, and galloped straight at the Mameluke.
The Mameluke only had time to fire one shot before the Musket was ripped out of his hands by the Dog Soldier's Tomahawk, stunning the Mameluke long enough for the Tomahawk to be hacked down upon his back. Blood oozed into the Mameluke's robe as the Tomahawk planted into his back before the Mameluke regained his senses, gripped his Mace, and swung it upwards into the Dog Soldier's gut. The Tomahawk fell out of the Mameluke's back when the Dog Soldier was being bashed by the Mace, blood dribbling from his guts and mouth before he pushed himself away from the slave soldier. Galloping out of sight, the Dog Soldier retrieved his Bow, loaded it, and waited for the Mameluke to chase him.
When the Mameluke appeared on the top of his hill, the Dog Soldier narrowed his eyes and sent the arrow flying. The arrow struck the Mameluke in the stomach, making him bend over in pain as another arrow flew through the air and planted itself into the Mameluke's left pectoral. Gritting his teeth, the Mameluke pulled out the arrows and then galloped at top speed towards the Dog Soldier, his bloodstained Mace glinting in the light. The Dog Soldier prepared to fire another arrow at his Egyptian foe, but before he could do so his Bow and left arm were shattered beneath a powerful blow from the Mameluke's Mace.
In a desperate attempt to protect himself, the Dog Soldier lifted up his rawhide shield, but that too shattered beneath the Mace, prompting the Dog Soldier to pull out his War Club to counter. The Mace was sent flying from the Mameluke's hands as the War Club slashed the Mameluke's face, enraging the Mameluke into giving chase. As the Dog Soldier galloped away, the Mameluke cocked the last of his Pistols, aimed, and fired it at the Dog Soldier's horse. The collapsing horse sent the Dog Soldier crashing onto the ground as the Mameluke drew ever closer.
Sensing that his death was rapidly approaching, the Dog Soldier pulled his three Sacred Arrows from his belt and pinned them to the apron covering his buttocks, thus securing him to the the ground. Upon seeing what the Dog Soldier was doing, the Mameluke dismounted from his horse, unsheathed his Shamshir, gripped his buckler, and prepared to do battle. The Dog Soldier's War Club pounded against the buckler while the Shamshir sliced his chest and arms heavily. Back and forth the battle raged until the Mameluke screamed a hellish scream and planted the Shamshir into the Dog Soldier's neck.
The Dog Soldier's lifeless body collapsed to the ground as the Mameluke cleaned the blood off of his sword, knelt on the ground, and whispered "Allah Hu Akbar" before tending to his wounds.
Winner: Mameluke
Max: During the course of 1000 battles, the Mameluke emerged victorious with 546 kills while the Dog Soldier only had 454 kills. The decisive factors in this battle were the Short Range and Mid Range Weapons, with the Mameluke possessing far superior weapons in those categories. That said, the majority of the Dog Soldier's kills were from the Bow and Arrow. A good all around match!
Kevin: I am very disappointed that we lost, but in al reality the Dog Soldier is still alive in a way that the Mameluke is not.
Burhan: The Mameluke won because of his faith. We won because our faith in Allah was so strong, and our technology was far superior to that of the Dog Soldiers!
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